It’s been more than a year since I started living away from home, away from family, away from love ones and most especially away from my comfort zone.
Technically, I live with my brother but I feel like I am living alone due to our work schedules. I hardly see him on our rented place. We buy our own food, supplies and stuff. We don’t rely on each other that much but I do care about him. We send messages on facebook messenger from time to time. We do go out and eat sometimes.
Sometimes, I still think if living away was a good decision. I still feel anxious all the time. Most of us when were kids dreamed about having our own place when we turn adults. As for me, I just want to live in our house forever. A certain internet meme, sums up my feels, it’s about an adult asking to live back to their house, begging to be a dishwasher for life and escape the reality of working, paying bills and such, it was really hilarious, it hit me to the core.
Living away was never in my plan, it sometimes crosses my mind but I would immediately hide it away because living with family is really comfortable even if we don’t have all resources. I have my family who would do chores for me, cheer me up when I’m down, including my pets. Everything changes when you live away from home. They say, one sign of being independent is living away from home. I always thought I’m independent enough even if I live with family. I pay my college tuition before, isn’t that independent enough?
A lot has change in me after living far from home. Both good and bad changes. The level of independence is higher than I expected. Aside from the feeling of independence, I never felt responsible with my life especially on the primary period of living away and can’t help say this to myself, “Hey, Vi. You did it. Kaya naman pala, eh. Fighting!” and then I throw invisible fist pumps on the air and feeling, believing that I became a bit of a capable young adult now.
Anyhow, living away from home has a bright and dark side, full and wonders and mysteries such as things like:
- Jeepney rides in the middle of the night, all alone. There was also a time when I have jeepney seatmates who are drunk, some are just power trippers. There are a lot of free seats and that he chooses to sit next to me, elbow to elbow. I keep telling myself relax and keep the stun gun ready.
- Buying groceries alone. Listing the necessary ones first but ended up buying more comfort food. Plus, no one will help you carry the grocery bags and you have to buy those eco bags because paper bags are weak.
- Cooking is one of my challenges in living away. I don’t cook at home. So when I feel like not eating outside, I challenge myself by cooking. Mom, please be proud of me.
- Eating out, mostly alone. I usually end up eating on pungko-pungko or fastfood a lot if I don’t feel like cooking for myself
- Doing laundry is a pain but I have to do it. I don’t want my clothes done by laundry houses because aside from economical. You’ll just have to buy fabric conditioner, laundry soap and wash it by hands and viola! According to friends, clothes done by handwashing are cleaner. Machine washed clothes are prone to discoloration and I don’t know how to translate it, mulawlaw imo clothes if machine washed. I don’t want that, I want to use my clothes longer to leave less carbon imprint because fashion is the 2nd largest contributor of pollution here on earth. I want to contribute by buying fewer clothes.
- When I have to chill alone because friends are back home. Going to random café or watching cinema, I’m very used to now of doing it alone, unlike when I’m at home.
- I don’t get sick easily, when I’m at home, I’ll only have colds that stay a day or two and they are gone. After living here, I never felt so alone going to checkups and test, quite scary for me. It would be nice if Dad or Mom was here to accompany me.
- Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I realize that without my family, I wouldn’t be able to experience this life I’m living now, without their encouragement and trust, I would not believe in myself too. Riding a boat home always reminds me not to take for granted the time I spend with family and friends.
- I’d love to say that living away from home is something to be proud of because I know a lot of people who cannot do it as to what I am doing right now. They struggle in budgeting and stuff. I struggled too, dear but it doesn’t mean I’ll be struggling all of the time, I learned not only with finances but life in general.
- Most of the time, people are impressed how I managed to live for more than a year already away from home. I feel happy that they think like that, but hey, I’m still doing my best every single day, I’m still struggling in adulting and doing my best to keep my ass together to make every year the best. So laban lang! Fighting!