Fourth quarter, almost end of the year already, I can’t believe that 2017 is almost at the finish line. I’m amazed by how I managed to survive (ongoing) this year away from parents and it’s my personal new year again! Ha! Hence this lengthy, wordy, cheesy post.
Adulting age, quarter life. When I was twenty, I said a lot to myself that I will be like/have this and that at this age. Some I managed to achieve but some was a fucking stroke of reality, no matter how much I tried, so close but it wasn’t easy. Life ain’t easy, bitch. It slapped me hard, knocked me out cold. There was even a time I feel anxious about everything and depress about the situation I was before. I wouldn’t be writing this if I stop in that phase, right?
Yes, something has changed, a lot, I can’t say it the drastic kind of change, like heavy transformation, nope, not that type, it is the change where I can subjectively say I’m never better like I am right now, last year has been rough for me and my family and this year has been full of blessings and personal growth.
I wanted to try writing differently about myself this year so I slashed out the topics of writing about my learnings so I don’t feel like imposing it to you, who randomly stumbled upon this post or an open letter to my 25-year old self post. This time I wanted to write for myself, some sort of a tracker to see if I have improvements with what I need to work on with myself, to see if something has changed. Note that this is subjective, if you know me personally and would agree or not on to what you will be reading in the next paragraph/bullets, I don’t care. Let’s start!
- I am more productive and organize thanks to my journal/planner. I feel more obligated to do the things I need to do if I wrote it. If I miss something, I’ll just go back and read. It was really helpful, especially there are times of amnesia days. I have monthly goals that I managed to accomplish. You might think that all I do is binge watched or read a random series based on my Facebook timeline but well…
PS: My planner isn’t even a Starbucks planner.
- I spend my hard-earned money more on adulting things and I think I’m the best at budgeting. If I have to buy something, that something must a return of investment thingy. There’s always a percentage of what I earned and giving back should never be neglected.
- I can handle negative emotions better as before. I learned a lot on the weekly prayer meeting, The Feast, negative emotions such as fear, depression, whatnot, starts with envy. Stop looking on others and focus on your own goal. I still admire other people’s success but I also stopped comparing myself to what they have achieved. Comparing is not a good idea, same as doubting your own self. Focus lang sa sa goal, geng. I still feel the pressure; especially my close friends are also on the stage where the future seems uncertain but fighting lang.
- Lighter side, my wardrobe has changed, I feel practical wearing dress, skirts and shorts more than ever. Unlike before, I’m always in for the jeans game but when I started living away from home, washing jeans if so fucking hard, I got tired of it and started wearing skirts and dresses which are not hard to wash, yes shorts too.
- I’m comfortable now in being alone. Before, during lunch at my previous job, I couldn’t eat without company, well, can’t help it in where I work now. So eating alone is not an issue anymore. Buying things, going to malls, I used to do that stuff in a group so it wasn’t easy at first.
- I stop caring what other people think about what I really want to do and what to do with my life. My dream is to have a pastel hair or a mermaid hair, dress up like Koreans and Japanese, write sci-fi stories and boys love. Work in a fair environment, travel, read a lot, watch every series I love. Been hearing lots of side comments but I did it anyway, what stopping me? Not you, bitch. As long as I’m not hurting anyone. I listen, I will take some with considerations but the last say will always be me.
Okay, that’s it for now, need to do my daily grind and enjoy the day. Self, keep fighting! Happy New Year #LABAN
Don’t mind the errors and typos please, it just feels so good to let things flow and write it out.